2010 in Review: Between Brilliance, Bizarrity and Buffoonery

Another year has come and gone, and surprise, surprise, Pakistan is still around! So, how did we do this year? Well, for a formal review you should go to a more serious blog/publication. For a more irreverent take, read on as we call out the brilliant, bizarre and buffoons who graced the country in 2010!

SPORTS:

BRILLIANT: AISAM UL HAQ
2010 was the year Aisam ul Haq broke the long-standing monopoly held by Pakistan's cricketers, by becoming the country's most celebrated sportsman. More than his achievements on court (reaching two Grand Slam finals, becoming the highest-ranked Pakistani tennis player in history), what was more impressive was the manner in which he went about attaining the honors. He partnered with an Indian at a time of great anti-Indian opinion back home, then delivered a stirring, post-match speech at the US Open in New York (great symbolism), and finally topped it of by becoming a UNDP ambassador and visiting flood-affected areas long after the issue had disappeared from public memory. In a difficult year, Aisam gave everyone something to be proud of.



BIZARRE: SHAHID AFRIDI AND THE TEST RETIREMENT
Who takes over the country's Test captaincy, says all the right things in the run up to a critical tour, promises to be a role model to younger players, and then quits after one game? Who else but Mr. Boom Boom himself. That he won this honor over other bizarre freak shows like the Zulqarnain Haider escapade, Ijaz Butt's match fixing counter-accusation-and-then-back down, and his own ball-biting episode in Australia, is a testament to Afridi's religious adherence to eccentricity.

BUFFOON:

Enough said.

POLITICS:

BRILLIANT: THE 18TH AMENDMENT
When it is all said and done, the current PPP government will be remembered for orchestrating the most comprehensive constitutional reform in the last 30 years. That they achieved it with broad political consensus made it even more impressive. Kudos to the brilliant Raza Rabbani and the Parliamentary Committee that worked diligently to satisfy all the warring interests and doing what few people thought was possible.

BIZARRE: THE ALL-PAKISTAN MUSLIM LEAGUE
When Pir Pagara, Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain and Sheikh Rasheed Ahmed joined hands to launch this alliance, many thought the country's political landscape would change. Instead, what followed was the most bizarre sequence of events. First, the Chaudhries backed out of the proposed coalition, to be replaced by their PMLQ rebels (called the 'Like Minded Group' whatever that means). Then Zafarullah Jamali, the proposed leader of the steering committee, resigned after failing to convince Nawaz Sharif (who theoretically would be the party's main opponent) to come on board (?). To add more confusion, the party changed its name to the 'Muttahida Muslim League', and its leader claimed that Bilawal Bhutto would become its secretary. All this while, Pir Pagara's party remains a part of the government and recently said it would not be a part of any attempts to topple it. Seriously, WTF.

BUFFOON: THE RIGHT TO BE CORRUPT?
We all know that Pakistani governments are corrupt. I mean its a given, like the color of milk is white, and the sky is blue. But which idiot actually goes out and says they 'deserve' their share in corruption? Well, this guy:



LAW AND JUDICIARY:

BRILLIANT: ASMA JEHANGIR
Despite a last-minute smear campaign by a despicably-low lobby, Asma Jehangir became the country's first female Supreme Court Bar Association President. Even more importantly, she is the first President in recent times to live up to her job title, and not act as the Court's spokesperson. A woman of character and courage.

BIZARRE: THE RAHAT FATEH ALI BLASPHEMY CASE
A woman petitioned a district court in Lahore against a verse in the lyrics of one of Rahat Fateh Ali Khan's brilliant songs sung in India. She accused the singer of blasphemy and hurting her 'religious sentiments and that of other Muslims'. While there were many blasphemy cases in the country this year (none of which were funny), this one takes the cake for its inanity!

BUFFOONERY: THE FACEBOOK BAN
Justice Ijaz Chaudhry of the Lahore High Court banned Facebook in Pakistan for a week after controversial content pertaining to Prophet Muhammad appeared on the site. To be fair to him, thousands of Pakistanis also marched against Facebook and there was a user-led week long boycott of the site as well. That most of these users were secretly on Facebook (yeah, we know you turned off Chat), and would promptly return en mass to the site within a few days ensured that this fiasco left a collective egg on the face of Pakistan.

JOURNALISM:

BRILLIANT: CYRIL ALMEIDA
The addition of two major newspapers in a year has meant an almost claustrophobic wealth of English-language op-eds and opinions. Which makes Cyril Almeida's brilliant weekly column in Dawn even more impressive. Rising over the pervasive clutter with incisive and consistently on-the-mark thoughts, Almeida made Pakistani politics simpler for all of us scratching our heads.

So awesome that we ignore his weird Dawn avatar.

BIZARRE: SHAHEEN SEHBAI AND THE REKO DIK AFFAIR
The $200 billion corruption story was plastered across the Internet by all and sundry. In fact, it was possibly the most shared story on my Facebook feed. The sound of billions of dollars of corruption and Asif Ali Zardari had people salivating with anger. If only they had researched more. That's because the instigator of episode was Mr. Shaheen I-Hate-Zardari  Sehbai, reputed for his ridiculously wild brand of journalism. Thankfully, Cafe Pyala was there to puncture the hype and bust Mr. Sehbai and The News' anti-government hormones.

BUFFOONERY: THE MUSHARRAF OP-ED BY ANSAR ABBASI
Read this gem of an op-ed by Ansar Abbasi, appropriately titled 'Hypocrite, coward Musharraf blows hot air but will never return', following the launch of Pervez Musharraf's political party. Now we know Mr. Abbasi is not the biggest Musharraf supporter, but this hate letter masquerading as analysis was something else. How this made it to the front page of one of Pakistan's leading English language newspaper is really beyond me. In fact, reading it convinced me that somewhere along the line, the author must have thought of inserting the phrase, 'F**k you Musharraf', but better sense probably prevailed. Because knowing The News' editors, it might just have made it to the papers.

GLOBAL COVERAGE OF PAKISTAN

BRILLIANT: THE NEW YORK TIMES ON TAXES
Great story by Sabrina Tavernise on how the lack of taxation is hurting Pakistan.

BIZARRE: PAKISTANI COMEDIANS FIGHT TALIBAN WITH HUMOR
Sigh

BUFFOONERY: PAKISTAN LEADS THE WORLD IN PORN (NOT)


Excellent rebuttal here.
 
FINALLY, PEOPLE OF THE YEAR:
 
In a year when a fifth of Pakistanis were affected by the worst humanitarian catastrophe in recent times, many in the country rose to fill the gargantuan hole left by ineffective government. In particular, the Pakistan Youth Alliance, a group of incredible individuals, has worked tirelessly, long after both local and global coverage of the floods faded. As the winter gathers steam, the group continues to function, deliver aid to areas, and belie the notion that Pakistan's youth is aloof. Hats off to you, good sirs.

   
AND, BECAUSE WE CAN'T GET OVER CRICKET, THE MOMENT OF THE YEAR:
Watch this Pakistan, and pray something like this comes up next year:
 


Happy New Year to all!

Imran Khan: The Hypocrisy and the Greatness

After a few jibes from my beloved co-authors of the rickshaw, I finally am getting around to blogging again, but - more than guilt - what got me to blog was an article I read in the paper the other day, which got my blood boiling. I simply HAD to write about it. The one and only Imran Khan the other day was reported in Dawn News, saying Pakistan should wait on hearing the verdict on Asif and Aamer to see if they would be able to participate in the upcoming World Cup. The article is fairly innocuous, and was only really an after-thought in the side of the paper, not headline news or anything. However, it caught my eye and drew my fury. Imran Khan, the supposedly ‘clean’ politician, who has built his utterly unsuccessful political career by taking the high road, is implying that we should welcome back these two bastards with open arms as, “without these two bowlers, our attack is not potent.”

To quickly re-visit the issue of spot-fixing, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the 3 players currently under investigation are about as innocent as O. J. Simpson. The only thing that remains to be seen is how harsh the ICC wish to be. In a previous article, I called for jail time for all those involved, though that is unlikely bans seem a certainty at this point. And hopefully this isn’t the PCB style ban which lasts about as long as the attention span of a 2-year old. Yet despite this, Mr. Khan is willing to overlook how these two bowlers shamed the nation and went against everything Pakistani cricket should stand for so that we have a more ‘potent’ bowling attack.

Of course, Imran Khan is not alone in his sentiments and even I will admit that it would be awesome to watch them bowl again. Let us not, however, forget the fact that Aamer and Asif disgraced the nation by participating in unlawful activities to indulge their own personal greed. I can’t think of anything more un-Islamic two representatives of the ‘Islamic Republic of Pakistan’ can do.

Now here is what really gets me. Of all the people to be guilty of this oversight, Imran Khan should be the last one. Over the last couple of years, he has become less of a politician and more of a stand-up comedian. All he can ever talk about is Zardari’s corruption. Granted, there is probably no one as corrupt and un-qualified to run a country as our current president, but harping on about it hasn’t done anyone any good. 2 years on and Mr. Zardari sits very comfortably in his home on Constitution Avenue while Imran Khan becomes even more irrelevant on the political scene. I remember one particular talk show where Imran Khan was on alongside a young representative of PPP and Mr. Khan put the simple question to the youngster of how Zardari is the second richest man in Pakistan without ever having worked a day in his life. The young man tried to reply but before he could get two words in, the arrogant ass that is contemporary Imran Khan interrupted him. He seemed so utterly overwhelmed and amused that anyone could even think to defend Zardari. Instead of allowing the guy to trip and fall on his own, Imran Khan decided to hog the limelight and his point was lost in satiating the demands of his burgeoning ego.

I’m rambling on here about my many grievances with Imran Khan but the point is: for a guy who claims to be honest and ridicules others for not being so, it is the height of hypocrisy to be suggesting that Aamer and Asif be considered for team selection. He should instead be condemning their behavior so as to discourage future generations of Pakistani cricketers from going down the same path that Salim Malik, Ata-ur-Rehman, etc. and many others have walked.

The saddest part about Imran Khan is that he truly is a misguided great man. No matter how much stupidity he seems to display he will in my mind - as well as the mind of others - be remembered foremost for his contributions to Pakistan, which include winning a World Cup, building a free cancer hospital, and a university in Mianwali. He was also at the forefront of the flood relief efforts and he is one of - if not the most - trusted figures as far as charity work/philanthropy goes. If I had a million dollars to give to charity, I would give it to Imran Khan. I say all of this not as an afterthought but as a reminder of how great Imran Khan can be, and how hurtful and disheartening it is to see him spend his days doing stand-up comedy of how his dog is insulted by the comparisons to Zardari.

The Winner of the 2010 Ballon d'Or!

So I was thinking who would win this year's Ballon d'Or, and I found myself in the same conundrum as many footballers playing against them: who to pick, Xavi or Iniesta? They're both World Cup winners with Spain, everything-possible-winners with Barcelona, and arguably the best midfield duo to have graced the game. Their telepathic exchanges are stuff of legends. So if I were FIFA, I'd do the honorable thing and give it to:

Xaviniesta?

Both.

Yeah, both. This might sound silly, but choosing between these two fine men is unjust. Would Xavi be Xavi without Iniesta? Would Iniesta be Iniesta without Xavi? Would Barca or Spain win it all with just one of them? Hell, just watch this:



And that's why FIFA should make an exception this year, and give the award to both of them. Like a joint award. Just say the managers poll was tied or something. I mean they're FIFA, and based on what we saw and heard about the World Cup 2018/2022 selection process, pretty much everything is possible in football's headquarters! This time though, I'm sure the world will understand.